Introducing Gibson the Beagle!

Well it has certainly been an exciting past four days.  The boy flew into DC on Wednesday night, we got the truck, and packed it up and left Thursday morning.  The drive was actually really beautiful.  We arrived in Knoxville, TN on Thursday evening.

Friday we moved my stuff into my new apartment, which I love and then headed out to Young Williams Animal Shelter. Now we've been watching their website for over four months now, and the Boy has made multiple trips there looking at different puppies.  We narrowed down what breeds we like - Jack Russell, and Beagles, basically a smaller breed.  We also learned that our lifestyle would be much better for a dog older then a year.  Well on Friday (my first official day as a Knoxvillian!) we found the newest addition to our family - Gibson!

He was originally Woody, and rescued from an abusive home in March of this year.  He didn't know his name, so we've renamed him Gibson - cause he rocks.  We'd like to think further down the line that well have other pups by the name of Fender and Stratocaster!

Anyways, so Gibson is a 3 year old beagle. He was very timid at first, and we guess that he was abused by his former owner.  But by day 2 he was already playing with the Boy and I on the family room floor, and he has his own little spot on our couch, that he refuses to leave when its bed time.  We've been trying to crate train him, and are still working on sit, here, and come.  He also is learning his name. But he's such a great puppy! No barking and only one accident inside my apt. at this point.  Today was his first vet appointment, and with shots and all he was a

 perfect little gentlemen.  

Here are a few pictures of our Gibson! 

Gibson and Daddy.

Gibson and Mommy

A True Hero

What is Achilles without his tendon? Who is Samson without Delilah? Who is Oedipus without his clubfoot? 

The true hero is flawed.  The trust test of a champion is not whether he can triumph, but whether he can overcome obstacles - preferably of his own making - in order to triumph.  

Friends and Breakfast.

My nickname growing up was bird
because I liked to sing songs I made up
they didn't make much sense
but it was a joyful noise.

We should all be like the birds
Chirping in the morning
Getting ready for the day
Finding our friends
and our breakfast.

The early bird catches the sun.

The Mountains Welcoming Us.

It's wonderful to think
of the mountains
welcoming us
each morning.

Soon they will welcome me
to a land much greener
one, full of new dreams
in the making
to ebb
and to flow
like the river
before us.

Will you walk beside me
and see the mountains
before us
as opportunities
to stretch higher
and make friends with the heavens?

Let us walk in this new way
shedding the weight we had carried before
making our loads lighter,
with less on our backs and more in our hearts
We will be brave, we will be strong.

We can do it together,
and welcome the mountains
step by step
on this new morning.

It's wonderful to think
of the mountains
welcoming us
each morning.

I Am.

I am cheerios and coffee in the morning
with a bit
of you on the side.

I am boxes packed
and ready to go
start a new adventure
with you
next to me.

I am excited
with a heart shaped hope.

In the Morning

I am awake early. Vacation has a way of doing that to me,
Once I catch up, then I wake naturally -
To the sounds of the birds and the first splinter of sunlight.
I like it early.
When my thoughts can quietly settle and a word of praise can pass through my lips.
It is our new day, I say to myself.
Your thoughts find me, still and beautiful.
I am here, I tell you.
But in the morning, I am still.
Find me dancing later, on my tiptoes
to greet you when you come home.

My Mascots for Summer

Especially shout out.

And I'm thankful for the Boy especially!

Listening

We live in a society that does not value or encourage silence or listening. When is the last time you heard someone say, "Let's share some silence?" This kind of statement is rarely heard today, even in church settings or among the most intimate of friends or family.

If we are attentive, we can get back to the important discipline of deep listening -- not only to what others say, but also to the resounding silence that exists between the words. Of course, we can easily "turn up the noise" -- watching more TV, leave the laptop open all the time, keeping the iPod going while exercising, and staying ever busier at work, and being too tired at the end of the day for any real conversation -- doing anything to avoid being still, and listening, and silent.

Specifically, people can get too caught up in their roles, and masks they wear to take the time for reflection and renewal and relationships. Perhaps its easiest for people to concentrate on their to do lists, or the emails they have to write to be in the moment with another. I'm not denying my own gravitation towards doing these things and the rewards that come from a day's hard work - but rather raising the level of awareness that we don't let the day go by without really taking the time to stop and listen and appreciate those we love. It's clear that we all live healthier and happier lives if we slow down and and stop doing things and instead appreciate what really makes up a life worth living. If you take just a moment, and think about what really enhances your life, I bet it's the people in it, not the job, the organization, or the stuff.

Walk The Line

I really do want to understand this more. And while I scoured the internet for "daughter of an alcoholic father" I read the words I struggled with.

But as I read over the answers to the questions or the stories of other children it only validates my actions.

"You have identified the crucial question of -where to draw the line. I think the line you need to draw should have you, your husband and the rest of your family on one side and your father on the other.

You need your family's love and support, something your father has forfeited, but this doesn't mean you can't offer your love and support to him while taking care to stay on your side of the line."

"It may be that the most loving thing you can do for him is to say you won't see him again until he has stopped drinking and give him the address of his local AA meeting, but at the same time you must accept that you cannot force him through the door."

Send Me on My Way

It's Hapening!!

I'm making ...

my DREAMS
come
TRUE!

And I'm so THANKFUL!

and...a very HAPPY girl!

****I've been having this realization and wow every day for the past 2 weeks, and I find that the only thing I can do is to stand on my tippy toes and say, "Thanks God" You have to dream and you have to believe, and you have to do it with every part of you from the tips of your fingers to the soles of your feet. For anybody that's ever dreamed, go for it!

My Happy Tennessee List (Continued)

Friendly! With a little bit slower pace to life and a bit more focus on community - Knoxville has some really friendly people! Instead of getting on the metro and no one saying hello, I can't wait to walk down the street or run into the store and have people take to the time to say hey how are you. All of the people I've met at casual parties have been super nice. (Don't know why I choose a picture of pigs, but they are sharing water! :)


Making a church my home and attending with the Boy. I'm ready to go deeper in my relationships and grow in my faith. This has been something I've really been looking forward to.
Cooking! It's hard to cook for just one all the time, or in a kitchen that's tiny. Cooking with someone (the Boy) makes it so much easier to prepare meals and eat them! It'll be good to get into a routine and actually be home at night to make dinner - unlike during my graduate school days.

Sundown in the City on Thursday nights in downtown Knoxville. They host a series of musicians and performers throughout the summer. It'll be fun to hit this a few times throughout the next few months. Market square is really great!

New Home!

This past week I've been hanging out in Knoxville, with the Boy.  While there has been hanging out time we've also done a lot of WORK.  Work to get me ready to move here.  He likes to refer to it as my recon trip.  I love thinking that this is my last trip here before I move here. Woo, no more airplane tickets to buy every month! 

Things we accomplished:

- Made up a budget

-Signed the final offer letter

-Researched cars

-Test drove car

-Looked at apartments

-Found a beautiful apartment I can't wait to call home and it also happens to be called Walden Legacy --- think Thoreau at Walden's Pond. Ahh!

-Signed the lease

-Researched puppies and dog breeds

-Narrowed down our search

-Decided to try and rescue a puppy

-Have found one we really like - but the "puppy room" at the animal center was closed because of a sick puppy broke loose from the cage and was running around near the other puppies.

I feel so excited about the move I'm not sure words could express it.  My apartment is perfect for me - it's a gorgeous part of West Knoxville, close to my work, 7 mins. from the boy and has a pool.  There's an island in the center of the larger kitchen where I plan on cooking and serving up many meals in the next year.  It's a two year old complex, and also gated. So I feel safe and clean:)  The Boy and I worked out our moving plan and have only a few short weeks before we start on this wonderful new part of our adventure! Yay!

Now I just have to get over the fact that we found a puppy who might complete our little triangle, and be happy that the Boy can provide a home for him perhaps a month before I get here:)

dislike

 - all bad language, especially "sucks"

really can't you be more creative then use this kind of language to describe what you think about someone else. also, don't talk about other people, or turn into a gossip just because you are around one. you're better then that roomie.

Pow Wows, Notecards, and Other Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood

I'm at work - basically one of my last remaining days. I may drop by another day in a week or so to tie up a few loose ends, but this is basically it. I loved having a little corner and niche at this sometimes overwhelming city.

But what I learned most today is that someone should have banged me in the head with a frying pan. I'm not sure what it was that set me off on a little stress tangent at night, and only at night, but whatever did its certainly nothing to cry over. For starters, at a little pow wow the girls and I had this afternoon, they also made me recognize how much I have to be happy about - and reminded me of all that I had already accomplished and will. I also found myself encouraging and even pushing one of the girls a bit about some job stuff, and I again found myself pointing a finger at myself saying - Emily what the hell do you have to be nervous about!? Seriously!

You've landed an awesome job, in the city (an awesome city) that you want to live in, have an awesome relationship, an awesome salary, and now just have to find an awesome apartment and car - and heck that's the easy part right! So what has it been? Perhaps a medical scare and unconscious guilt, but that's certainly not something that's going to stop me from enjoying all of these things I've worked so hard for and are now coming true.

As the little notecard above my desk says "Making the dream HAPPEN!" And guess what, it really is!!!!

The First of My "Happy Tennessee List"

This is the beginning of my "Happy Tennessee List" In the coming weeks up to my move I'm creating a fun little list of the things that make me happy about moving there.

1. Tennessee river - view from lookout mountain (which I do want to climb)

2. Knoxville Brewer's Jam - drove down randomly one weekend and went to this. Cute mug too:)

3. Dogwoods, mmm so pretty

4. UT Games and my orange fleece - tailgating and using the Weber Q (it's a baby weber that's been sleeping far too long in my apt.)

5. Good breakfasts. I know someone that makes the best darn eggs n sausage (w/maple!) ever.

6.  This license plate on my new car!

Mother & Daughter

A Blessing!

The boy and I. I had to take a moment to post this to recognize what an amazing relationship I have, especially with helping me navigate through little life decisions lately. To walk side by side with side with him is such a blessing, one that I can't describe. It adds a whole new depth to the richness and goodness of God and life. Thank you boy for everything. 

Agape Love

Before laying down, it came to me that I knew what the tugging is:

I want to find new ways to say I love you & thank you to him. To go beyond what we already know.

And then it was simple: We must go deeper with God.

And we will.  

Agape.

Larger Thoughts

I've been wanting to write, like really write for quite some time now, but the words have been sitting at bay.  I blame the busyness of life. The reading, the thinking, the talking too much. Usually I can write when I quiet the outer and listen to the inner. When I let the words move from being the frayed edges of my heart to the center of the rhythm.  I have things on my mind. Larger philosophical questions about life that want to frame my thoughts. They beg for attention, and at night get a few minutes worth before my head becomes disenchanted with their largeness and I fall asleep.

Outside the sun has gone down, the tulips stand still in the moonlight waiting for the morning's speckled dew.  Flicks of red, pink, and yellow face up in the promise of the coming day.

Moving Up'

So I've almost wrapped up all my major projects for the semester! And it feels so good, almost like a new freedom I'm finding.  Next week I defend my thesis in class (yay/woo) and also start hunting for an apartment in Knoxville.  While moving can be overwhelming we have to look at the positives of it.  After living in a city for a year, having a car, having a car with the inability to steer, and living in an apartment with a baby upstairs, the positives are becoming ever more crystal clear:

1. Car - honk honk. I will no longer have to grocery shop according to how many lbs. I can carry in my arms. Ah, I can buy milk, beer, and water at once! Also, there's something about rolling windows down, turning on music, and moving your hand in a cool airplane like motion that gets me going.

2. Green, trees, mountains, oh my - When I look out ahead and drive to work I'll be seeing the mountains each morning, rising up before me like majesties.  I can also "plan" to go hiking. See plan in quotes:)

3. Dogs - In my current apt. you could only have a cat, that was a definite no go for this gal.  I'm currently investigating the Border Terrier. 

4. Laundry - No more paying gastronomical amounts like 3.00 dollars to be able to wash all my coloreds. Disclaimer: I plan on cooking for the boy who may let me use his washer/dryer.

5. No JDJFD- Lots of people I meet in the DC seem to work for acronyms DOD, DOE, DOJ, WH, take your pick.  They also get every other Friday off and wear strange badges and sometimes cut in front of you at restaurants and in movie lines because they are VIP. Look, another acronym.

6. Money - While education has its perks, and sleeping till 7:20 each morning has been fun, I'm tired of eating oatmeal for different meals.

7.  Favorite person - Being an hours flight away from your person only permits you to see them like once every 3 or 4 weeks.  Instead of taking a train, bus, and plane to get there I can just go down the street. 

News! I'm Moving to Knoxville!

It's official! I'm going to bid farewell to DC and move to Knoxville, TN at the end of May. I've accepted a position with the University of Tennessee as a Curriculum Development Specialist, and will be working at Oak Ridge at their Institute of Public Service - Law Enforcement Innovation Center (LEIC).

I'm thrilled about this position, as I will be working with over 100 subject matter experts involved in training the National Forensics Academy, Air Force, Army, and other branches of government, large corporations, etc.. I'll be taking their content and coming up with a training program design in a hands-on experiential learning format. I'm also responsible for helping to develop standardized monitoring and evaluation techniques for our trainers.

LEIC is currently completing a very large addition to their building, and has constructed an outdoor classroom complete with a burn cell, stairwell going nowhere, and lab to conduct and practice investigation techniques with participants. During the summer they actually has a 10 week national academy, and the investigators come and stay in Oak Ridge for this. I'm looking forward to seeing this in action.

But overall I'm thrilled to officially become part of the Knoxville community and UT! I can wear orange now and look forward to a fall full of football games and tailgates. (The benefits package for state employees rocks!) Yes, this is part of the best part -- UT full time employees get reduced tickets for family, friends, and guests. Last Christmas, I was given a UT orange cooler and now I can finally use it!

So while the majority of this post was about the job, and UT, I have to admit my enthusiasm and excitement about moving to Knoxville has been primarily driven by a support, and a love that I have come to cherish. The Boy and I have been dating for over 2 years now, and in a long distance relationship for what's beginning to become a year and a half. We've managed it well, and this last year was much easier as we spanned only DC to TN, not TN to South Florida. But there are so many things that we want to be able to share together, that distance sometimes makes it hard to do. The Boy has been a steady rock in my life that I can count on during the good (to be my biggest cheerleader), the bad (have a shoulder to cry on), and the everyday in between - always a few laughs. He inspires me in how he lives. And we've grown close, and I look forward to all of the opportunities well have to keep growing closer once we are in the same city. He's amazing, and a blessing in my life. Together, I feel we become better people.

Here I come UT, Knoxville, and closer to The Boy! I'll keep you posted on future developments ie looking for an apartment and planning on finding a new car.

Resonating Sound

when two violins are placed in a room

if a chord on one violin is struck, the other violin will sound the note

if this is your definition of hope...this is for you

the ones who know how powerful we are

who know we can sound the music in the people around us

simply by playing our own strings

for the ones who sing life into the space

who open their c

hests and offer their breath as wind on a still day

Cute Post by the Sis-Masonick Girls

Taken from the my sis' blog.

Emily: "If smart is hot, I think therefore I am."

We were raised to think this way. That's what occurs when you grow up in a famiy where the women are all either entrepreneurs or administrators. The biggest blessing- that they are all loving and caring moms at the same time. It's difficult to mix a sense of drive and ambition with an equal call to raise a family and be attentive at home. Yet, the Masonick women stood up to the task and provided excellent role models. In our weekly phone conversations Emma and I constantly agree, "there's something special about being a Masonick girl.

The Sweetest Thing You Could Ever See is a Happy Girl.

It's been a lovely few weeks here folks.  Even with the quickly approaching end of the semester due dates, and frequent Friday dates with my thesis and delicious cheese, life is pretty darn good.

Last week I had two successful interviews, thanks to great job experiences and some stellar education, I felt prepared and ready to make a little debut. The first one would definitely get my little imagine kicking, with all of the CSIesque things that happen in the office, God only knows the stories I could end up with.  The second a true example of college bureaucracy and the works of a big campus. But none the less, I got my name and my face out there and hopefully made a good impression.  We shall see.

I had a great weekend with the Boy, who purchased Rock Band. And let's just say well...that pretty much rocked and so did we.  Also, our second version of a deep dish pizza turned out much better.  We figured out saucy is good, but only in some forms, not in pizza land.  We had fun advancing The Fighting Phyllis and Willis' (our band) and acquiring a super jet and hippie van. It's good to let your hair down every once in awhile. 

Back in DCland I'm spending a good amount of time trying to knock things out of the ballpark, figuratively speaking, get them done and above and beyond style.  All I know is that when I finally get myself a little puppy, I will be so happy.  Seriously! But I know that half the amount of fun is getting yourself there, and so I'm making the most of this journey but also really excited about what's to come!

I'll try to update more frequently, and hopefully with some exciting job news! Cross your fingers! Cue song..."Oh, oh she's a happy girl, everybody knows she's a happy girl. And the sweetest thing you could ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl"~by martina mcbride

Easter Egg Roll 2008

My roommate and I got to volunteer at the annual White House Easter Egg roll today.  We woke up around 5am and arrived at the giant gates around 6.  After we were equipped with our white billed hats, and aprons adorning the 2 scottish terriors, we headed to our assignment.  As Easter Artists, we handed out tshirts for the Wyland Foundation - sponsored by Wyland.  Wyland is an artist who does under the sea scenes.  (This year's easter egg theme was save the oceans). Next to the tent we worked at he had a giant mural he was working on alongside kids.

It was pretty cool.

The best part was when President Bush and Laura greeted the crowds and said hello and g'morning from the balcony.  I was about 20 feet away and caught a great amount of it on video and camera.  What a great Monday in DC! 

Million Dollar Haircut

Love: A million dollar haircut that doesn't cost a million dollars.  Perfect look for the summer and ms. professional's debut~

That's just an added reason to be in love on Friday.

Brought to you by Keeka at Bubbles in Bethesda.

Cherry Pitter - More Fun then Tying a Knot with Your Tongue

The cherry pitter. Call me low-class, but I usually just spit the pits in a bowl and then try to tie the stem in a knot with only my tongue!. I suppose it would be good if you were making cherry pie (tastes so good, make a grown man cry), but I do that, um, not yet.

Goal of living: Grow and be Well

It's surprising to me how quickly I went from the warm beaches of Mexico, doing hardly anything but sunbathing to the streets of DC and metroing from place to place. The pace of life changed back quickly, and if anything got a bit busier.

As far as an update goes, I'm cranking out the last 3 cases I'm using to back up my thesis and designing an orientation and leadership development conference for a final project. I hope to tie up my equity and education paper this weekend. Thankfully things are much more manageable when you spend time chunking away at them throughout the semester. I'm looking forward to wrapping up this semester strong and feeling inspired to get out there and use what I've learned to make a positive impact.

I have two leads right now for jobs that are in Knoxville, TN. I'm planning on relocating here within the next 3 months, not sure of the timeline right now - but weighing out a few different options. The boy has settled into his newly acquired job post graduation and starting to really enjoy it, which is great to see. It's encouraging to get some feedback from my resume and I'm looking forward to sitting down and talking to some folks next Friday about the positions I'm interested in. Both spark different creativity in me and skills I'd get to use - but overall are in leadership development. It's nice to see these things exist!

To go along with the job search and relocation I've come up with a few options to navigate the next two months between staying here and moving to TN.

Option 1: Stay in DC

Pros
- Take remaining classes physically at AU
- Won't sublet out apt.
- 4th of July in DC (ha)

Cons
- Need to find some part-time work for only 2 months as my GA position at the Institute is coming to a close as of May 4th
- Traveling back and forth to pursue job opportunities/interviews
- Best friend is moving outside the city (minor I know)
- The boy and I keep doing the long distance thing

Option 2: Move to Knoxville

Pros
- Ability to do more interviews, job hunt locally, etc.
- Less travel back and forth
- Save money on rent
- The boy, mountains, and outdoor market concerts
- Can do classes long distance

Cons
- Different kind of courses not sure
- Can I land one of these jobs without completing my MA till July? (Hopefully the interviews next week will give me a better idea)

So that's what I'm laying out there and praying about that God gives me direction and helps me recognize where he sees me most fit during these next few months. Thanks to all of my family and friends for their continuous support and cheerleading

Vacationing in God's Paradise on Earth

I haven't done much blogging lately because the last 10 days I've been traveling. My family and my grandparents spent the last week in the Riviera Maya - about 30 minutes outside Cancun. Most beautiful scenery to let the mind unwind and made some great memories. For now, check out the pics. below --- more about it to follow once jet lag wears off~The sisters...need I say more?

[(Habitus)] (Capital) + Field = Practice

Last night in class we were talking about cultural and social reproduction. Peirre Bourdieu - a French guy who wrote about this - came up with an equation to talk about this phenomena. I'm pretty fascinated by the formula and thought it worthwhile to put it up here.

Bio: Peirre Bourdieu (1930-2002)
A prolific writer and extradorindary productive researcher, Bourdieu has published more than 30 books and 340 articles over the period of 1958-1995. (Swartz, 1997)

Postulate: Power is the heart of social life
I can say that all of my thinking started from this point: how can behavior be regulated without being the product of obedience to rules (Bourdieu 1990)

The Equation:

[(Habitus)] (Capital) + Field = Practice

breaking it down...

Habitus:
A system of durable, transposable dispotions, structures, instictual practices and behaviors unconsciously exhibited.

Examples of Habitus:
- Rich yacht guy - raised in a millionaire family
- Professorial figure
- Mini-driving soccer mom
- Farmer down south

Capital:
A social relation of power - not just material but cultural, social, and symbolic as well.

Fields:
A network or configuration of objective relations between different positions. Agents of institutions of the structures. Fields are arena of struggle for legitimation.

Example of field:
- For the rich yacht guy it maybe the country club
- Professorial figure - academic
- Soccer mom - her kid's school / PTA meetings
- Farmer - Agricultural fairs

--- Symbolic violence: Bourdieu looked at the interactions between these different habitus and came up with the term "symbolic violence" to describe how these different habitus may express struggle for legitimation of power. Ex: Maybe the daughter of a yacht guy brings home the son of the soccer mom (let's say they are dating) The yacht father may raise his eyebrow and give the soccer boy a one over. This is an expression of symbolic violence that Bourdieu refers to.

Practice:
Using habitus and capital on the field. Bourdieu looked at how these different habitus and capital interacted when one habitus/capital may play on another's turf. He examined how these habitus / capital are reproduced or reinforced. In class we discussed how school and education plays into this.

Very interesting.
Next step: Take a moment and plug yourself into the equation, thinking about your field. What kinds of dispositions have you inherited from your family, community, education, etc.? What kinds of dispositions are best suited (or prized) in your field? How much symbolic violence can you wield in this field, how much do you confront?

Teaching My Grad. Class

Last night I had the opportunity to teach my graduate class on a reading from W. Secada. Basically it's about equity and equality and using these terms in educational contexts. First part of the lesson was thinking about our current notions of these terms - so I gave everyone post it notes and they wrote their current definition on them and put it up on the board. The second part was a categorizing activity that had them place different characteristics / definitions under either equality or equity. I took a few candid shots to add to my portfolio. Here's a glimpse. That fellow below in glasses is my favorite professor / thesis advisor -Charlie~

CMM & ETM's Deep Dish Delight

The results of our first time making deep dish pizza. *We learned it would be okay to use less sauce. The learning was fun and yummy.

The boy and I taking a candid shot (Thank goodness for his long arms)

A Weekend's Worth of Quotes

It was a fun weekend - I'll post pictures from a deep dish delight pizza making night when I get home. There were lots of laughs this weekend, as the Boy and I were finally getting back to health. Highlights below:

While making deep dish pizza:
"I don't like my crust thick"
"You don't like your women thick either"

Me: "You are such a great boyfriend"
The Boy: "Look there's Bill Murphy"
Me: "Baby that's not cool"

Walking through the President's Gallery and doing it in exact order of the presidents. The boy counting off and commenting all the way. As we neared the portrait of FDR, there was a small picture of his wife next to him. She was wearing a frumpy black hat that nearly covered her whole face. Upon seeing this the boy "whispered" to me:
"That Eleanor Roosevelt, she's a real fox"
The Boy thought he said it quiet enough, but since he had a cold, he said it pretty loud -- everyone within a 7 foot radius laughed.

Driving my (now former car) with failing power steering.
The Boy: "It's like driving an old pickup truck"
Me: "Guess you don't need to get one now" :)

That's quality.

A Smile Makes All the Difference

We all have experienced the power of kindness before. Whether through a small gesture or warm meal, a token of kindness can brighten anyone's day. As I was walking to the metro today and going about my business, I made a point to smile at the UPS man and others along my travels. And in return, some smiled back. The metro man even greeted me, with a hi how are you. There's something about replying back with "great" that gets everyone smiling. In just that brief moment of exchange, I'd like to think that each of our days were brightened just a bit...and all it took was a smile.

Make it a point today to show kindness to those in your path.

Back to Health

Dear Readers,
I'd been sick for the past week with the flu. The type of flu you had when you were in elementary school, that you wished you didn't, and actually wanted to go to school instead. It was so bad, that I even had to steady myself by holding onto a garbage can at the Metro station subway. (Cue really bad memory). On a good note, I had a wonderful boy who played excellent nurse to me when I got sick while visiting him. (Thank you honey!) But enough of that. I'm well on my way back to health, give or take a cough.

So I plan on posting soon and getting this bloggy back to its healthy state!

Sincerely your Healthy Blogger,

CGGI

Beware!

Cute Factor

So the only reason my family is into Valentine's Day is because it happens to be my Oma's birthday. 

Here's a cute little something that came to me in the mail. The "Someone Special Sugar Cookie Mix" complete w/ heart shaped cookie cutter.  This gets a 10 on the cute fact

or, just look at the little ribbon!

The Truth

Not to be too serious or anything, but I think it's about time that I addressed some of my previous posts more directly.  For the past 24 years I've grown up with a father who is an alcoholic.  Because of this I've put a large amount of time and energy into working through what this means to me and truly making healthy decisions for my life and the future.  (It was a vow I made to myself a long, long time ago). Alcoholism is a serious disease and addiction that effects not only the alcoholic, but also the other members of the family.  What I'm getting at is that lots of the previous posts on here are about dealing with an alcoholic father.  

Recently, I had a conversation with my dad that caused me to revisit a wound that has been healing for some time.  The good news is that..

Today was a much better day, and I'm grateful!  I don't do well as a drama queen, but I also don't do well when people act like one. But in all honesty each time I have to deal with the bouts of an alcoholic father, I go through a little bit more of the grieving process.  I take it in, have to find a way to deal with it, and then accept, and recenter.  It's been work, but not work I regret having to do.  In the end we all have our unique stories and things we have to deal with. This just happens to be mine.  And I also know the strength that has come from this. Thankfully I have a very patient boyfriend and wonderful family that are awesome.  But I also am very diligent about maintaining and making my own healthy way of life - doing things I like, working out, cooking healthy, sleep, positive relationships.  This is part of it - making my own way.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that when I am centered I feel great, and I really do appreciate and treasure that feeling and enjoy life that much more.  It was interesting to experience these past two days again and the fear that came over me when I got sad.  Growing up, I never felt room for my feelings to be expressed because him and his addiction were always the things in need of real attention.  I know I didn't really open up this can of worms until 3-4 years ago at the end of college. When I was reminded of the characteristics shared by adult children of alcoholics it made more sense.  Although I know that some of these are my innate personality traits (like being responsible, I enjoy it) - I know they are also things that came out of dysfunctional family roles. 

Ex: 

- An overdeveloped sense of responsibility (me wanting to take care of my mom and sister, do well in school, planner, etc.)

-People pleaser to protect ourselves so as not to upset the environment or cause more trouble

-Anxious - always scanning the environment for potential problems and fear of not being able to control a situation (me not knowing what it would be like when I would come home)

What I make of this is that it can help bring a sense of awareness to things.  It doesn't so much pigeon hole, but more-so helps to bring a heightened awareness to strengths overdone. And with that awareness I am able to balance better, and say okay, I'm in a healthy, safe place now that I don't have to react in these ways.  In addition, it helps those who I am close to help understand things and gain more perspective. While I think it's good to gain understanding, I also don't like to dwell on the "effects" of the alcoholic family, but rather focus on the empowerment in choices and decisions I can make for myself. 

The blessing in all of this is that it is in the past and I am moving forward! I've made some great decisions so far and want to continue on this path! And my promise to myself and those I love is to always remember the blessings in my life, communicate, and keep growing and striving in health and happiness.  This being said, goodnight all, it's time to recover some lost sleep!:)

*ps - it really does feel good being honest and writing this here. 

Roller Coaster Ride*

     The roller coaster came through town again, beginning last night, it set up camp nearby.  If only for a split second it seemed safe and secure, and I was willing to sit down and take a seat. But before I could realize it, the cart was climbing the tracks towards a steady, steep decent.  It shook as it climbed and debris flew through the air. I held onto the handrail the best I could and secured my seat belt, there was no way I was going to let it jerk me around.

 

     I fought back the roller coaster's swerves and curves by remaining calm.  By the end of the ride, I once again had managed to step out unharmed or so I thought.  But, it was only this morning when I awoke that I recognized the bruises that I had accrued.  They were the same bumps and bruises that the roller coaster had given in the past. I rubbed my hand over the bruises, blue in color, and tried to smooth their edges.  It didn't help.  They would be there as reminders for the next few hours, reminders of the ride I had somehow been taken on again last night. 

     After I got up and went to sit down at the table with my breakfast, the bruises pressed against the seat and a small woo of pain welled up inside of me. A small cry made its way out. And then another. Soon a collection of tears had filled my cheeks. Once the pain had subsided, I mulled over the roller coaster again and this time made a vow to myself that I wouldn't take another ride. There were plenty of other ways to have fun, ones that didn't include getting hurt.  These bruises weren't coming back. 

(* a metaphor for a real life event)

Letting Go: The Weight of Words

I talked to Him today, but this time voiced what I had been through over the past 2 years. Told him what I had to process and think about.  It felt good, and he listened.  By the time I hung up the phone though I felt teardrops trapped somewhere between my heart and my eyes.  At first I avoided letting them out. Folding laundry and staying busy was no strength to what needed to let go.  A call from the boy helped a few tears leak out of my eyes.  And then I realized, this was just part of it. A few more tears streamed down my face, the very tears that had collected the words that I didn't share for so long and now had. It was the door opening and the door closing, and the tears had their place too.  And now,...I feel good. And proud of my heart.

The Art of the Process: Maximizing Resources

As I get further in my graduate degree, I'm learning more about myself and what type of work I enjoying doing the most. While I admit launching a project may be exciting and standing at the front lines of the battle offers its thrill, my greatest interest lies in the process. Everyday it appears more and more clearly to me that development may actually be the biggest need an organization or business has. While innovative ideas and expansion are sexier at first glance, these ideas can only be made reality through well defined infrastructures. And if time is invested into the process at the start, the idea can yield even greater impact, money, etc. My brain seems most interested in finding ways to take these set amounts of resources and maximizing their impact. Perhaps that's my unique way of looking at leadership- helping individuals to take their intellectual and emotional capital and finding ways to help maximize their impact.
But that's my own little take on things.

Another Part of My Heart

This is for my sister.

Dearest Sister,

Remember when your heart was full of adventure

When you saw the nest but felt your wings?

Your mind full of wonder and  yearning

to learn and see new things?

Now you must rest

Rest your mind

And let your heart be at ease

Just let yourself remember the way

and gather your dreams

Dreams of adventure and relying on God

His hand is on your shoulder

And be my girl, let yourself be at peace

It surrounds you all the time

And know you are loved

And have a home

Wherever you are, we are with you all the time.

I love you,

Your Sister

Putting it On the Line

It might be 60 degrees in DC, but the heat is on and going up.  With it being Super Tuesday and all the queens of dirty brought out their shiny fake diamond pins, and flaunted their latest hero. Is it hero worshiping or just a bad episode of What Not to Wear? Let's face it, people go to great lengths to make sure they are heard and seen.  Obama makes music too, and you should check out his latest montage music video starring well tons of stars.  I didn't even know Scarlet Johanssen sang. Apparently talent happens when its presidential election time. People put it all on the line.

Speaking of the line, I'm putting myself on the line, for a job. There's a cleaned up cover letter and heavy weighted paper, the type that can see a special stamp through the paper, sitting on my desk. The job has the word leadership in it, as well as development, and student, and oh assistant + director. It's right up my alley. I know I have the background and soon to be education, but most of all the passion to really jump start this program.  I know I can put my best foot forward and drop the envelope in the mail, and well then ask God to help guide me through these next few months of decisions.  I'm actually starting to get more excited when I send my one pager around, and less anxious. There are a plenty of opportunities for me in Knoxville, its just a matter of time now.  I'm coming my little Westie! (That's the dog that has most recently caught our interest.)