AlwaysanEm

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people premission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandela

I've been reflecting on this comment much lately, and in fact I may pull a bit of it to write one of my graduate schools essays. This quote truly reflects the very thoughts I had prior to rolling into last summer. If I could have heard myself in January, I was saying to my superiors that I didn't want to be the Program Director, nor did I feel confident in my abilities to do so. I ensured them that my skills weren't up to par, and that in my complete honesty I felt that I needed further development.

Development I received. In the coming months I had the unique opportunity to shadow one of the best PD's ever. (names will not be disclosed) and truly get a hands-on experience for what the role of the PD was. Sure I was 22, and all the other Program Director's were significantly older, but I learned that it would be through my actions and decisions that I would establish my greatest credibility. Utlimatly this would be the only way I'd gain the respect of my summer team.

Again, time passed. They told me I could be the PD, and I accepted. Before I knew it I was standing on the stage in front of 300 college-aged staff, spouting bits of leadership curriculum. Leadership curriculum I had co-wrote, lesson plans I had designed, and it was being taught. It was at that moment that I woke up, and saw the other half of this quote come to life. Who am I not to brillant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? So there isn't a benchmark for me to personally measure up against, but that's just it. For me, there may never be a benchmark that I can measure up against. There never has been, because I'm going to do my own thing, in my own time, and in my own way. I'm proud of the fact I broke through barriers, graduated early, moved out of my house and to Florida. Of course I'm looking for my next break, it's how I am.

It's how I've always been, and how I always want to continue to be. Me.

Now back to the graduate school essay...