My search for tics in core values.

In my line of business we talk a lot of "core values." But what exactly does this mean? It's been from my experience that the best way to explore something is by analyzing it from a wide variety of angles i.e. up, down, sideways, and under. Similiar to the way I used to examine my black lab for tics, I really had to look everywhere and not leave a hair unturned.

I'm beginning to see that core values can't exactly be discovered, but rather they are something that IS and come from experiences. They go with you wherever you go, no matter your environment. And they are the things that you feel down to your tippy, tippy toes. And the other main thing is that it doesn't matter WHAT core values you have, but THAT you HAVE. Your life aligns with these in business, relationships, and you develop your strategies and actions with these core values.

Everyone's core values are different. In research, it's been cited that there are no universal core values that make or break a company. Take for example Disney and HP. Both companies started and grew, grew, grew and changed. But their core values didn't.

HP core values - Respect the individual.

Disney - Magic, wholesomness, imagination, and attention to detail.

Even when Disney went from producing small cartoons to full length features, large theme parks, and Disney radio - they still were about the same above core values. The same goes for HP.

In my next edition we'll examine politics, and more specifically Regan and Carter in terms of this issue.

So what can I make from this? You have core values. And they are your underlying causes that must drive, drive, drive you. And even when change and stimulus are presented these very things remain true. And most importantly there are no "right" or "wrong" or universally successful core values.

Antithesis

Excerpt from a lovely conversation today w/someone who is like a blanket to my soul:

"You really are my type of people, you know"

"And sometimes one only notices that when they around the antithesis of what we thrive off of."

When you're not living in a bubble you get to experience something I call the grit. And then there's the blanket. And that's where the love is. When the blanket comes down around you even when there's dirt, that's love. That's my people.

If you need me...

It's October and I'm in our new office. I've set up a nice little lamp for myself on my desk that brings warmth to this otherwise brand new cubicle. But soon enough I'll be sitting at a cherry wood desk in an open office and frames of friends and family will shed further light on my days. It's the little things.

This month seems like the busy month. I just got back from a trip to Pittsburgh, where I saw my breathe in the morning! (that's cold!) I thought I was ready for living up north again, but I may have to think this through a bit more. I mean it may mean I have to put on a few pounds to help fend off the bitter chill that comes with being a Yankee. Better yet, I'll layer wool sweaters and invent some handy dandy hand warming thingamabob.

This Friday I'm traveling to Chicago at the wee crack of dawn to help Mom move into her brand new house, and yes it has a fireplace in the kitchen! How picturesque is that! I got to see it when I was up home the last time in August. It's really quite charming. Brand new too. So this means I will be seeing all my girlfriends this weekend, wearing my favorite sweater, and spending time with my family moving boxes. Delight. Actually I like some good manual labor every now and then.

So for now it's back to writing frontloads to various leadership activities. You know teambuilding, communication, that sort of thing that the big men in black suits love me for. I'm also listening to The Fray and coveting some famous mint sprig tea. If you need me I'll be enjoying life.

because of you

because today i thought about you my dear boys. today i thought about how strong you are!

...because you had hearts of gold
....because you took the "wild west skit show" class i taught
....because you had laughs
....because you could run so fast, i could barely keep up
....because justin was your superhero
....because even though you didn't like to be hugged by girls, you let me hug you
...because you knew so much about life and catepillars
...because we tried to fish in the mud
...because of you im stronger.

(cancer survivors, new mexico, 2005)

The 15 year old girl and Piano Man

I found myself next to a piano Sunday afternoon in this large 3.1 million dollar home. And I was singing. Somehow this Piano Man had whisked me back to this place, a place filled with music, and good friends, and a place where I was that 15 again. I was the little girl who turned Frank Sinatra on at age 11, and had my own personal performances from the ledge of the family room which included dancing and singing and an audience of stuffed animals (elephants and bears). As I got older I'd sing on real stages, in front of real audiences, from Hello Dolly to Les Mesirables. And I've loved every minute of it.

Now that I'm 23 (well almost) I can be found dancing around the townhouse, trying to twirl my boyfriend in the kitchen, and singing frequently in the car with the windows down. (FL needs more of me and my happy music making)

But yeah, Piano Man was so amazing -from Elton John to The Eagles. He really rocked the place out.

I was so happy to be making music again. And I can assure you, this won't be the last of it...

Happy List

1. Having a washer/dryer in your unit...warm towels out of the dryer (mmmm)

2. Children and the love and laughter they bring to life. I like kid watching.

3. Giggling.

4. Chat w/ best girlfriends about silly things....like twin dogs.

5. Cooking for people you love, it just feels good.

6. Smile wrinkles I'll have

7. Surprises. Both the doing and the receiving.

8. Letters from Oma & Opa. (6 pages long!)

9. Knowing you can call someone after midnight, and they won't yell at ya.

10. High speed internet, and working from bed.

11. Long hair and easily sweeping it into a ponytail! So good on busy days...so nice.

12. Getting dressed up for special occasions. I like to wear those cute, sexy dresses in my closet now and then.

13. Butterflies in the stomach and still getting nervous even though you've known the guy for awhile.

14. Music - the blues for the rainy days, the country for the ol heart and soul, and sinatra for dancing in the kitchen.

15. The smell of lilacs.

16. All the 'little' things in life. And how I could go on and on. Just like this.

Steady at the Wheel

I reviewed John Mayer's latest album, Continuum this morning over my tea and GMAT readings. I was generally unimpressed with it. He's got great guitar skills, but this album seems to revert back to his usual style. I'll have to listen to it some more to give a full report. Lots of heartbreak and rehatching the dream in the lyrics, and they threw in some classic John Mayer Trio songs to spice it up. Overall it's lacking the bluesy feeling and growth that I was hoping he'd showcase.

Tonight marks the first GMAT class, and with that I am officially (ive been doing it somewhat for about 2 weeks now) going to begin my Marie Antoinette regim of running, eating healthy, and totally loving math, also seeing being queen as my destiny.

Girl Seeking Lakes

[…] I came across this fantastic essay titled Climbing Mountains or Looking for Lakes that resonated with me quite a bit: I’m a lake seeker, not a mountain climber. I’m looking for beauty and satisfaction, not prestige and achievement. It’s the same in all aspects of my life, like blogging. I blog for expression, connection, and conversation, not to break into the Technorati Top 100 and not to make money. I don’t look at my hit counts or subscriber numbers, except when I can’t avoid them or when I just can’t help myself. It’s not that I’m not competitive and it’s not that those things aren’t important and useful in some contexts. It’s that I’m temperamentally wired to look for what’s beautiful, peaceful, and comforting in the world. Paying attention to that other stuff makes me unhappy. […]

This says it all.

Season of Change

I have been on a journey, most of it not measured in miles.

It started out with a plane ride into Atlanta, Georgia that got me onto the next plane to Knoxville, Tennessee. My first encounter with a true Knoxvillian that set next to me was very cool. Sitting down, he put up the arm rest that went between our two seats. Finally engaging in conversation after laughing together as we saw baggage being thrown into the bottom of the plane, I learned that he was working down in New Orleans. Revamping the city and overseeing the operations emergency relief effort, he had been away from home and his family for 8 months. Over casual conversation I realized this was the type of people I longed for in South Florida, this was the type of person I could pass in church on Sunday. Something felt right.

My next few days were filled with laughter, good food/drinks, warm moments, and listening. One afternoon we sat on the couch reading the newspaper and watching the news. Turning off the tv and thinking about the future, I turned and put my head on his chest and felt tears stream down onto his shirt. He held me closer and slowed my beating heart. We made peace with all the things that had troubled and excited and agitated us so far on this journey: the way life is a give and a take and a long term investment, and yes you can grow together. The truth is that as you begin to let someone grow closer to you, and you closer to them, you get the chance to learn to be more authentic everyday. What a great gift. The honesty and respect are so much better then the cutsy couple any day.

Those few days there with him gave brought a newfound depth to our relationship. (kisses aren't bad either) I mean, of course I miss him, but I also know that I'm so blessed to have someone like him in my everyday life.

Distracted by Light

He had simply gotten distracted by the other lights.

The other day at the beach I had the chance to meet a new friend that gave me some insight into my own life. It was a baby sea turtle that had gotten turned around and was walking towards the town right off the beach. This small, little creature was trying with all this might to get to where he needed to go. All he knew was that where there was light was where he was supposed to be.

Spotting this small babe, I reached down and picked him up. He had simply gotten distracted by the other lights. I walked down to the water's edge and placed him into the water. Off he went swimming.

What does this have to do with me? He had simply gotten distracted by the other lights. Hung up on old expectations and feelings I too had become distracted by other lights. Floodlights. You know the type that knock everything else out of the picture; they cause you to lose perspective. But thanks to hands, all different types of hands, coming in different shapes and forms, picking me up, gently nudging me -through words, actions, and general self-examination (tough love) the light refocused. Accepting my situation and the amazing lesson it offers me, I'm turned around and back to being a lighthouse; a beacon that shines bright.

The Wall Street What

A funny thing happened walking out of the door to work today.

The little grandma who lives next door to me (now referred to as LG) poke her head out as if she was waiting for me to leave and says the following

LG: "Oh you're still getting that newspaper huh?" (she's talkign about the Wall Street Journal)

Me: "Yes mam' we are"

LG: "Oh is he ever going to come and back get it to read it?" (He would be my former roomate Mr. Circus Burberry Sweater)

Me: "I read it actually. It's for me. "

LG: "Oh...I see. The Wall Street thing with the numbers and such "

Perhaps women in her day didn't read the Wall Street Journal. This is a new day. I did have a nice little laugh driving to work though, and then proceeded to rip off the plastic wrap and smell my fresh Wall Street. It's the way I start my day now. I should have given her the paper to read! It's a good daily dose!

Every Reason in the World

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed but we don't give up and we don't quit.

2 Corinthians: 4:8

I have every reason to be the happiest girl ever. I am very appreciative to a very special person in my life. I haven't had the chance to witness and feel this type of friendship!! before. To be able to see God's strength exhibited through a man towards a woman is quite amazing. He's one of a kind, and he's mine.

Technology and Women

I love technology, especially when I figure it out. My latest adventure has been with the wireless internet. The first thing I had to do was to have my local cable company out to install the modem for High Speed Internet. Great, easy, done. The next step was getting the wireless router to hook up to the modem (easy) and then link up to my computer. The best part was that we had some problems, but then I got it to work! I love it when this happens.

See, there's this stereotype around women and technology that I totally want to debunk. Ever since I was little I loved playing with technology and why, well my parents were nice enough to let me experiment on the stereo and how it hooked up to the tv. They let me try and figure out how nintendo hooked up to the television, and Dad even let me play around with his computer. One time Dad and I got so involved in trying to fix the computer that we got to take a look at the CD drive...and yes, you're right that computer did never come back to life. But that point is you have to not be intimidated by it and you have to trust yourself. They make it pretty easy on us nowadays.

To solve my little problem I went online and figured out how to run a command prompt from my computer that would give me my IP Address, Subnet Mask, and Gateway. Once I had this I could keep the ball rolling. But I had a moment where I felt all energized inside, when I was typing in DOS mode.

It feels good to be able to work with technology. And now I'm announcing the birth of my little logitech camera made special for notebooks. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

Until then...

School of Hard Knocks

I've officially returned to the residence I've taken up in South Florida for the next year. Even though I've only been back for roughly 3 days I had accumulated enough frustration that sent me on a 1 mile run and opened up a bottle of wine. Ahh...there are better ways to deal with this...

For starters, since I do not have clear expectations and responsibilities for my job at this current moment I making the most of my time by working on evaluations (job task) as well as investing in my personal growth. This means graduate school essays periodically wander across my computer desktop. For me this is fun because I enjoy writing, and it's good to see that I have experiences and short/long term goals that perfectly compliment an MBA program.

This startup business atmosphere, although very frustrating at times, does offer an excellent learning tool. The school of hard knocks teaches me everyday about the dos and don’ts of business.

1. Get organized
2. Hire enough staff
3. Place your employees in the right positions
4. Set clear expectations and goals
5. Get everyone on the same page
6. Quit growing if you don’t have the resources to handle it

It's a funny environment here and all I know is that it's motivating me to want more. The biggest problem that I face is that this environment is slightly de-motivating, as I feel that I am not accomplishing much because there aren’t any tones set. Additionally, since I pride being successful and enjoy being successful I have to create my own milestones. Good learning lesson about myself!

Decompressing at the Houseboat

What I've been up to so far post my LA summer...

I just had the best weekend ever with my family. Below you will find pics. to help explain our houseboating adventures on Lake Shelbyville. The best part ever there is there are no distractions! (no internet, no tv, hardly any cell phone towers) It's a time for everyone to rest, relax, and play!!!

Here's a pic. of all the cousins doing a giant bubble bath on the water trampoline. How fun is that! So we splashed around on there for awhile and were trying to push each other in the water! Yay for family time and bubbles.

Here's the boat Little Feat. Of course my family also has great taste in music and they named their boat after the awesome band Little Feat since the folks in their family (my cousins) are always running around the boat. Our evenings and afternoons were composed of a little toddlin in the boat, beer, The Who and other great music.

This is a picture of me out on the lake. Check out the beautiful background. Once we moved the boat away from the dock and anchored it in the cove we were surrounded by the forests and trees. We spotted an owl flying over the water. Of course you'll notice I'm wearing my Gallaudet University hat and tshirt. Can't let go of LA that fast....:)


Besides kayaking and swimming, Heidi and I took out Uncle Mark's jet ski one afternoon. What was so funny is that Heidi and I were doing some wave jumping and Heidi yells to me "Emily this makes me nervous!" We drove into a sand bar and switched drivers. I drove back. I am pretty proud of the fact that we never fell off!!

So overall it was a fabulous time. For one thing I know that I love being on water. It's relaxing and a great way to get away and reconnect with nature and your loved ones. So be on the look out for our boat - you'll spot it by the Pirate flag, American Flag, and of course a German flag!

Brave.

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I will go through the valley, if you want me to.

God will be there. When everyone else walks away, he stays. He knows all parts of you. The parts of me that feel broken, the parts that feel so grown up, and the parts that no one else even has had a glimpse of yet. And he likes all of me. Every bit. He constantly waits and looks for me everyday to share more of myself with him. He asks me to trust him and to be his child. He asks me to be a woman of courageous faith, and to walk down this new path with him. He promises to hold my hand. He promises to give me just enough. He knows I will make it. He knows how large my heart is, and that it hurts sometimes. He knows how much I love wild roses growing outside, and that my hands are so little. Taking me in closer and closer he holds me. Gently urging me on with only the kindness a father can show, he tells me to go forth into the unknown. He asks me to take risks, and he asks me to listen, be quiet and still and other times beckons me to stir fire. He reminds me of my unique beauty, the gentleness, the quietness, the elegance, the depth of emotions that I can feel. My heart, my eyes, my wanting a family to be a family so badly. He tells me that's beautiful. He tells me every part of me is beautiful. I'm beautiful despite what emotions feels so unme sometimes, he says my heart is of gold. He says Emily look at your capacity to love, look how much you have loved, and look how much you will love with that heart of yours. God tells me in whispers everyday how beautiful I am, he holds my heart and my hand and will walk through the valley or the fire with me. I will walk there God if you want me to. Cause if all of my trials bring me closer to you, then I will walk through the valley if you want me to...

And now for the song that speaks to my heart
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
and im clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
so if all of my trials bring me closer to you
I will go through the valley if you want me to

New Mantra

I've been struggling with my own personal monsters lately. I won't lie. It's part of my walk in life right now. But I'm determined to overcome, reach peace, and live a healthy, happy, and successful life.

1. Let go of the anger
2. Forgive
3. Live up the values I hold

Reach inner peace.

My Date

Tonight I had the most wonderful date. Tonight as I sat alone in my room and I read my new book, and suddenly the inability to get through other books made sense. (those books didn't get me) It's with books that I seek this connectedness I can't get through other people, things, or encounters. I often form some of my most intimate relationships with my books. I can feel more understood by a book, then if I were in a room surrounded by 30.


The topic up for discussion was life, love, lessons, and spirituality. I like when people look back on those and reflect. Perhaps because I value myself as a reflective liver. There were quotes and thoughts in there that just made sense...

• "It was in love's absence that let me know how much love mattered."

If you know me then you know that when I was a child it became very clear to me that life was not really living if we did not know love. Honestly, there are times I wish that Icould have come to testify that I came to this awarness because of the love I felt in my life. But really it was because of the lack of love that I found out how important love is. It's in our pain that we can come to greater awakenings. Relating it back to Christianity we can see that suffering comes to an end, but love is forever. And in that search for a true definition of love we may endure suffering and even alienation.

• "The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theoriests of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb."

Love is clearly beyond just feelings, it's actions. Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will - namely, an intention and an action. Will also implies that love is a choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. This directly relates back to the ideas of Christianity and how Jesus spread his gospel in how we should go about living.

• Love is a mix and it's a risk - We must see that it's a variety of ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust as well as honesty and open communication. It's both a give and take. "Many of choose relationships of just affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer. The demands are not as intense as loving requires. The risk is not as great."

• You're going to connect with people differently throughout life. Some will stay and some will go. All will teach. And the best of all will help you to feel that you are on your way to knowing love. The difference is that some will touch your hearts and others will go deeper.

The deeper will open you up to a further part - you will see and know them and yourself for who you could be, and for who they and you could become in a together. This type of connection will be a difficult process, and that's the other part of love that people don't get or don't want to get.

• "Like so much else, people have also misunderstood the place of love in life, they have made it into play and pleasure because they thought that play and pleasure was more blissful then anything and work; but there is nothing happier than good work and love, and extreme happiness requires work...that's what makes it so rewarding."

It's an ongoing committment to constructive struggle and change.

So where does this leave me? Of course it's a lot to think about and take in. And it challenges the world's ideas. In order to become more fully ourselves, and better we have to open up. We have to be willing to sacrifice our old selves in order to be changed by real love. I like exploring these thoughts, especially as I move further away from things that once were and form on my own what I want to be.

Appreciation - Chapter 4 of LeadU Lessons

Appreciation: Noun. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.

Chapter 4 of this summer's lessons - Appreciation is very important in managing and working with others. In order to be a good leader I believe you not only need to coach, coach, coach but also offer thanks and good job when folks go above and beyond their duty. We all like to be recognized for a job well done. Last night we celebrated our staff and the work done with a dinner at the Capital City Brewery. Okay, so maybe there were a few drinks and lots of good laughs. A good time was had by all. Now onto the last and final session of LeadU. It's sure to be great!