Wednesday, December 31, 2008
"The moment right before it happened."
They sparkled underneath the tiny lanterns that hung in the palm trees. After having a few drinks, hearing a bad joke, and singing, they got up to leave.
"It was this moment," she thought to herself, visiting the memory contained in her own mind, forgetting for a moment he didn't read minds that well, although it was fun to pretend now and then.
She saw them crossing the street and the nearly all black outfit she had on. The shirt with the little bow around the neck, and the cowboy boots that accompanied her shadow.
"This is where it happens" she said so excited that her face was consumed with her smile.
Crossing over the railroad tracks that ran adjacent to what would become their favorite Friday night spot, her little heels click clacked.
She reached over for his arm, which seemed to appear almost effortlessly to guide her steps forward.
"That was it. Just like that" She thought aloud.
"You know on the railroad tracks."
"That's when I knew I'd have to make room for you in my life because you were going to stay for a very long time."
And even though he wasn't quite sure what she was referring to at that very moment, his heart leaped across the gap anyway without a moment's hesitation.
They went on like that till the morning light, all the time in the world could not pry them apart.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
There's nothing so rich as the love you feel when gathered amongst your family. There's nothing so beautiful as the way family members can build one each other up. Nothing so strengthening, knowing there's a net of 24 to catch you.
I miss them so my dear family. The strength of the sisters, and the tenderness of my uncles. The chit chat from every corner of the room and the singing of the songs. To look around and meet love in every one, a love that extends to each.
There's something special about witnessing the daily lives of this family. There's a strengthen I have not found in any other.
But wherever I am, I'm still one of them.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It looks like the Boy and I may have a four day weekend over the New year. Now, what should we do?
- Obvious --- stay at home, make hot cocoa, sit in front of the fire
- Go out and listen to live music / dinner
- Take a one days road trip somewhere
- Head downtown
- Hike in the mountains -- sounds chilly right now!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The winter speaks to the deeper gullies of me. The parts of my heart that have ridges and have born splinters. As much as it beats, it listens for love to echo back. Constantly. Calling out and listening back, against the rain on the windows it sits. Will you go wtih me? Is it so wrong to want to love strong and deep, to reach and stretch as far as you can go? To sit with another in a place no one else has gone? How do you quiet the heart?
I sit in the armchair, I watch the arms on the clock move forward, night falls. The rain on the windows, the wood on the fire. The love growing inside of me, one I cannot stop. I can feel myself out there somewhere at the peripheries of things. There is a place where this love can be absorbed.
Please do not ask me to put this away on a bookshelf, to be covered in dust, or a drawer amongst junk. It will only gather scratches and scraps from being smuggled.
I don't want to stop it. I cannot. But I ask will you join me.
Covered in the fleece blanket. Is love alive?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
1 Christmas Party
2 Days to rest
3 Snacks in between shopping
4 Snuggles with The Boys
5 Snowflakes falling
6 Christmas songs in my head
7 minutes to get ready
8 am time to get up
9 hug again
10 Present wrapping
11 Christmas movie watching
12 Happy girl.
Okay now onto the weekend! :)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I try to find some virtue in this day, conversing in a meeting, packing lunches, and tonight's activity, but I cannot. I am elsewhere today and these small circles frustrate me. I think of a life in which I do something else --- perhaps have my own family, write for a paper, or freelance development - - and work in an office right off a front porch set in the countryside, where I pull on an over-sized fisherman’s sweater and read and write with a bowl of soup, yes. It’s not hard to imagine. I’m a independent spirit and the simpleness of my day would be satisfying.
These are the days that exhaust me, the days when alternate lives seem to step out from behind every tree; these days when they look good to me. Even with the smell of the soup, the soft hair of my dog, days spent in an office with plastic looking wood I think. Then I feel like an animal in the zoo, pacing back and forth, and I look for the things in this life that would look so good if it stepped out from behind a lodgepole pine and whispered to me as I walked home to my fisherman’s sweater and my soup.
I remember though the laugh of The Boy and the Christmas cookies, the dog at my feet. I snuggle into the memory.
But the truth is, I am elsewhere today.
I do lots of little things to make my gifts special and spend a lot of time thinking about what that person means to me and what could express to them that they are special and loved.
You can add your own personal touches. So ask yourself, from what place are you giving?
I'm not one to point fingers without looking at myself. And I freely admit that I too have been guilty of this, in years past getting wrapped up in the materials. The perfect wrapping paper, the gifts, the amount of loot I would truck home after an evening spent with the big family. And then most recently as I've thought further about how I want to make Christmas my own, and the traditions I want to adopt and create with my own family one day, I had to revisit just what Christmas is about. We each need to go there, or Christmas loses its meaning.
Of course I'd love to get that jacket I've been dreaming of all year from Jcrew. But that's not what its about is it. Or running around at the malls finding exactly whats on his/her list.
Need to slow down. Reflect. Remember. Find the joy in the heart.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I'm having the sort of day you wish you could stay in bed and sleep through, and wake up and just have a milkshake for lunch and then nap and watch a movie.
With all of this economical news, we can't be surprised that the state university I work for is undergoing budget cuts. The thing that sucks is that they seem to email us about it once a day to announce how much we have to cut and when. It doesn't do much for the morale. People in general are insecure about their jobs now and even the secretary was told to unplug her 2 foot Christmas tree in her office. A little glum.
I am thankful however, despite the scrupulous amounts of emails about the blah blah stuff, I'm thankful for my job and the work I get to do.
But most of all, I'm managing to keep the Christmas spirit by living through the heart. That's really what my life's work is about, heart things. Little notes in lunch boxes, homemade wrapping paper, and loving my friends and family with an abounding joy.
This is the kind of work I could do forever, and I don't think budget cuts could stop me.
It's my goal to remain focused on my heart work even when the rest of the world wants to say otherwise.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
I'd really like lots of little simple things. See list below:
A little note with lots tiny goodness.
A sweet chocolate pie chart. Or pieces of yum.
Play time. Stories and imagination, a little dancing and a little music by a fireplace. Magic.
Pretty things, soft, and lovely and smell good. A little shiny a little girly once in a while is good.A nook to lay down and nap in after all of the goodness. How could a birthday get any better?
1 Pig Farmer
4 Trees and a Santa on a John Deer.
Found the tree. Sawing it down with my sister.
Looks of exhaustion. It hasn't fallen yet?Our cousins carry it away. 1 out of 4 trees down.
Santa asked for a John Deer this year.It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Hauling 4 trees off to Oma and Opa.Santa's little helper.Load er up little Saint Nick. And off we go~