Wednesday, December 31, 2008
"The moment right before it happened."
They sparkled underneath the tiny lanterns that hung in the palm trees. After having a few drinks, hearing a bad joke, and singing, they got up to leave.
"It was this moment," she thought to herself, visiting the memory contained in her own mind, forgetting for a moment he didn't read minds that well, although it was fun to pretend now and then.
She saw them crossing the street and the nearly all black outfit she had on. The shirt with the little bow around the neck, and the cowboy boots that accompanied her shadow.
"This is where it happens" she said so excited that her face was consumed with her smile.
Crossing over the railroad tracks that ran adjacent to what would become their favorite Friday night spot, her little heels click clacked.
She reached over for his arm, which seemed to appear almost effortlessly to guide her steps forward.
"That was it. Just like that" She thought aloud.
"You know on the railroad tracks."
"That's when I knew I'd have to make room for you in my life because you were going to stay for a very long time."
And even though he wasn't quite sure what she was referring to at that very moment, his heart leaped across the gap anyway without a moment's hesitation.
They went on like that till the morning light, all the time in the world could not pry them apart.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
There's nothing so rich as the love you feel when gathered amongst your family. There's nothing so beautiful as the way family members can build one each other up. Nothing so strengthening, knowing there's a net of 24 to catch you.
I miss them so my dear family. The strength of the sisters, and the tenderness of my uncles. The chit chat from every corner of the room and the singing of the songs. To look around and meet love in every one, a love that extends to each.
There's something special about witnessing the daily lives of this family. There's a strengthen I have not found in any other.
But wherever I am, I'm still one of them.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It looks like the Boy and I may have a four day weekend over the New year. Now, what should we do?
- Obvious --- stay at home, make hot cocoa, sit in front of the fire
- Go out and listen to live music / dinner
- Take a one days road trip somewhere
- Head downtown
- Hike in the mountains -- sounds chilly right now!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The winter speaks to the deeper gullies of me. The parts of my heart that have ridges and have born splinters. As much as it beats, it listens for love to echo back. Constantly. Calling out and listening back, against the rain on the windows it sits. Will you go wtih me? Is it so wrong to want to love strong and deep, to reach and stretch as far as you can go? To sit with another in a place no one else has gone? How do you quiet the heart?
I sit in the armchair, I watch the arms on the clock move forward, night falls. The rain on the windows, the wood on the fire. The love growing inside of me, one I cannot stop. I can feel myself out there somewhere at the peripheries of things. There is a place where this love can be absorbed.
Please do not ask me to put this away on a bookshelf, to be covered in dust, or a drawer amongst junk. It will only gather scratches and scraps from being smuggled.
I don't want to stop it. I cannot. But I ask will you join me.
Covered in the fleece blanket. Is love alive?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
1 Christmas Party
2 Days to rest
3 Snacks in between shopping
4 Snuggles with The Boys
5 Snowflakes falling
6 Christmas songs in my head
7 minutes to get ready
8 am time to get up
9 hug again
10 Present wrapping
11 Christmas movie watching
12 Happy girl.
Okay now onto the weekend! :)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I try to find some virtue in this day, conversing in a meeting, packing lunches, and tonight's activity, but I cannot. I am elsewhere today and these small circles frustrate me. I think of a life in which I do something else --- perhaps have my own family, write for a paper, or freelance development - - and work in an office right off a front porch set in the countryside, where I pull on an over-sized fisherman’s sweater and read and write with a bowl of soup, yes. It’s not hard to imagine. I’m a independent spirit and the simpleness of my day would be satisfying.
These are the days that exhaust me, the days when alternate lives seem to step out from behind every tree; these days when they look good to me. Even with the smell of the soup, the soft hair of my dog, days spent in an office with plastic looking wood I think. Then I feel like an animal in the zoo, pacing back and forth, and I look for the things in this life that would look so good if it stepped out from behind a lodgepole pine and whispered to me as I walked home to my fisherman’s sweater and my soup.
I remember though the laugh of The Boy and the Christmas cookies, the dog at my feet. I snuggle into the memory.
But the truth is, I am elsewhere today.
I do lots of little things to make my gifts special and spend a lot of time thinking about what that person means to me and what could express to them that they are special and loved.
You can add your own personal touches. So ask yourself, from what place are you giving?
I'm not one to point fingers without looking at myself. And I freely admit that I too have been guilty of this, in years past getting wrapped up in the materials. The perfect wrapping paper, the gifts, the amount of loot I would truck home after an evening spent with the big family. And then most recently as I've thought further about how I want to make Christmas my own, and the traditions I want to adopt and create with my own family one day, I had to revisit just what Christmas is about. We each need to go there, or Christmas loses its meaning.
Of course I'd love to get that jacket I've been dreaming of all year from Jcrew. But that's not what its about is it. Or running around at the malls finding exactly whats on his/her list.
Need to slow down. Reflect. Remember. Find the joy in the heart.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I'm having the sort of day you wish you could stay in bed and sleep through, and wake up and just have a milkshake for lunch and then nap and watch a movie.
With all of this economical news, we can't be surprised that the state university I work for is undergoing budget cuts. The thing that sucks is that they seem to email us about it once a day to announce how much we have to cut and when. It doesn't do much for the morale. People in general are insecure about their jobs now and even the secretary was told to unplug her 2 foot Christmas tree in her office. A little glum.
I am thankful however, despite the scrupulous amounts of emails about the blah blah stuff, I'm thankful for my job and the work I get to do.
But most of all, I'm managing to keep the Christmas spirit by living through the heart. That's really what my life's work is about, heart things. Little notes in lunch boxes, homemade wrapping paper, and loving my friends and family with an abounding joy.
This is the kind of work I could do forever, and I don't think budget cuts could stop me.
It's my goal to remain focused on my heart work even when the rest of the world wants to say otherwise.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
I'd really like lots of little simple things. See list below:
A little note with lots tiny goodness.
A sweet chocolate pie chart. Or pieces of yum.
Play time. Stories and imagination, a little dancing and a little music by a fireplace. Magic.
Pretty things, soft, and lovely and smell good. A little shiny a little girly once in a while is good.A nook to lay down and nap in after all of the goodness. How could a birthday get any better?
1 Pig Farmer
4 Trees and a Santa on a John Deer.
Found the tree. Sawing it down with my sister.
Looks of exhaustion. It hasn't fallen yet?Our cousins carry it away. 1 out of 4 trees down.
Santa asked for a John Deer this year.It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Hauling 4 trees off to Oma and Opa.Santa's little helper.Load er up little Saint Nick. And off we go~
Thursday, November 27, 2008
- I am thankful for my country. For all the ways it has blessed me. That I can praise God freely and openly.
- I am thankful for my new home in Knoxville, TN. The beauty that surrounds me
- I am thankful for having a true and sure love in my life who provides nothing but constant support, encouragement, and is the best love anyone could ask for.
- I am thankful for my new church that has been a source of great happiness.
- I am thankful for my job. Especially in these economic times, that I can use my background and degrees and manage to learn new things still.
- I am thankful for my little Gibson. His constant companionship and energy that brings me happiness.
- Thankful for wonderful friends, those that I can call upon at any time.
- Thankful for a sister who has such a
- Thankful for the future and the light that is ahead.
- Thankful to God for the many blessings he has given me.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
In the winter, you might feel tempted to stay indoors (a movie? homemade dinner?) and that's all well and good. But there's something really invigorating and giddy about bundling up and walking arm-in-arm in chilly weather. (Plus, everyone looks great with rosy cheeks! A cold wind is like the most perfect blush ever.)
So, here is a perfect winter date:
****** A Hot Chocolate Taste Test ******
You and your date pile on your coats, scarves and hats and head out into the wintry streets. Choose three cafes, chocolate shops, delis or restaurants and walk to each of them. Order the hot chocolate--and don't be afraid to try the fun versions, like Mexican Hot Chocolate. Split each cup, and then head to the next spot. Strolling around will help you burn off the chocolate, you'll definitely have something to talk about and you'll get a buzz from both your date, the walking and the caffeine. Plus, have you ever kissed someone after drinking hot chocolate? Yummmm-y.
Tell me, what are your favorite wintertime dates? Have you ever ice-skated with your crush or built a snowman together? How about snow angels? Do you love the chilly weather, or do you prefer to stay inside and be cozy? (I would give my left arm for a working fireplace!) Tell me your thoughts about how to make freezing weather a little warmer....xoxo
Friday, November 21, 2008
Recently something has spoken to my heart and I feel compelled to write about it. Nothing is probably more evident to us as humans that their are stark differences between a man and woman. Not only in all of the most evident ways, but in ways that go deeper. We not only communicate differently, but our deepest needs are different.
In reference to Ephesians 5:33 Paul writes to the people about relationship. He speaks to the heart of the matter when he says "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she gives respect to her husband." In that beautiful passage the apostle Paul speaks to us of the divine nature of the man and woman.
A woman's focus is on love. Feeling loved, making others feel loved. Just imagine it's like seeing everything through pink sunglasses and these pink hearing aides. What makes her feel most valued are Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem. Men on the other hand are much more focused on earning Respect, Leading, Providing, Relationship, and Insight. He has on the blue sunglasses and hears through the blue hearing aid.
Simple example of this:
She says: "I have nothing to wear"
He says: "I have nothing to wear"
She means: I need new clothes
He means: I have no clean clothes.
I know, really. That's the honest truth.
An example that illustrates this further is. Think about an anniversary or birthday. He goes out, so proud of himself that he remembers. Runs into hallmark, grabs a card that he thinks "looks perfect." He comes home offers it to his wife, and looks on proudly as she opens it.
She opens it. It says "happy birthday" on the inside. It's their 2nd anniversary. She looks at him, and instead of acknowledging his efforts, says "how could you, how could you be so insensitive to give me this card."
All the man hears is "my actions are not good enough. I'm not good enough. She doesn't even care that I tried."
I think this speaks volumes. And I think it speaks to the heart of the matter. We need to see the Crazy Cycle for what it is.When a woman doesn't feel loved she acts out of disrespect and negativity. When a man doesn't feel respect he isn't apt to show much love. See above. But the cycle can be reversed and change into the Energizing Cycle so easily.
It's when we acknowledge these differences and take on the approach "my response is my responsibility" and look to work on ways that we can show more love and more respect that our hearts soften. It's working to understand the differences between our deepest needs that we can truly begin and work to fulfill them.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Christmas is my most favorite holiday because of the family and the friends, and the all around good cheer even grinches seem to adopt for at least a few days.
People have already started to talk about what they want and make their lists. This seems silly. If I know you, I have ideas about what you would like.
Challenge to you:
How about instead of lists of things we want we wrote down people and things we are thankful for.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
What they found was that people encounter change all the time, but the mindset surrounding change is that its usually only one change that can be handled in a one step process. Wrong. In fact few people actually lived in a "one change at a time" environment. Instead people "exist on a roller coaster of change" with overlapping changes being driven by different events, led by different executives, and originating from different parts of the organization -- all at the same time.
And most importantly, while the need to change may be quite clear, what needs changing is a totally different and more complicated matter.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
There is no such thing as perfect, but there is such a thing as great and wonderful. And even if you can't have perfect, you can have a good attitude.
I've been experiencing some minor frustrations lately, and despite that they may be valid, I can choose my attitude everyday. This can make all the difference.
I'm putting on my good attitude helmet and letting my heart feel good mood flutters.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Have faith my friends, love is all around us. I can only work everyday to have a faith, hope, and love this wide and deep. It is encouraging to us all.